Thursday, January 29, 2009

Stress Induced Insomnia

"Let's mock the midnight bell!"
William Shakespeare

Truth be told, I really have no worthy reason of being awake as the 28th becomes the 29th. With no class tomorrow and no intent of doing anything productive, I could have seen the back of my lids around ten. Maybe I'm so in the habit of seeing the new day come to be, my body is rejecting the notion of sleep's importance. I'm more inclined to think, though, I am evading sleep to escape the inevitable - that the silence of my quiet room will bring reflections of a week I'd much rather forget.

At best, I'm being melodramatic. I know better than to reject memories indiscriminately, for the week was filled with moments both good and bad. I guess I'm just temporarily inclined towards pessimism. Still, I can't imagine that with the stress of some of the goings-on, others could focus on the good and ignore the bad in its entirety.

Aside from the confidential staff issues that I'm assuming would be prohibited to publish, I'm internalizing the signals I'm receiving that everyone's commitments are more important that mine. You see, every few weekends, I have to fulfill a commitment of my job. This was not my weekend; however, recent events have caused the staff to readjust. I tried to be flexible, although it doesn't come quite so naturally to my very type-a personality. As usual, I allowed myself to be taken advantage of while trying to be flexible. It may be almost February, but I think I need to add "learning to say no" to my resolutions list. It's too late now though. I've been committed. At least they say they will make it up to me.

I'm not quite sure what is required of me in this situation, but it isn't helping my stress level, especially considering the mental effort expenditures my future is requiring me to take. Currently, I hold two jobs. In May, I will leave both of them leaving me jobless in a struggling economy. I'm sure having no dispensable income won't be this college insomniac. Today, I revamped my resume, looked at the advising center's job board, and signed up for a practice interview with one of the University's five partner employers. I don't feel I need help practicing my interviewing skills, but I do hope that my resume will be so enticing that they will decide to hire me on the spot. Overly outlandish, but a girl can dream, right?

Until next time, Sweet Dreams.

--The Sleep Deprived Student

Drowning in Sleep Debt

"I love sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?" ~ Ernest Hemingway

The dark circles under my eyes are evidence of a burnout waiting to happen. They represent the late night calls to the police, the midnight laughing with friends, the tear stained pillow cases I've had to wash, and the early morning "I love you's" expressed after a date that lasted into the next day. Above all, they proclaim that I am a college student who spends her life hunched over a desk into the wee hours of the morning surrounded by her countless books, trying to finish her countless tasks.

Although I find solace in the few hours of sleep I encounter, I know you, as my reader, will find solace in the daily dark comedy that is my life. Maybe you'll even think about me as you drift off to sleep, picturing me rack up the sleep debt.

Only another 12 or 13 hours left in my day--better get to work if I want to get any sleep tonight at all.

Until next time, sweet dreams.

--The Sleep Deprived Student